Mourning and Hope

This post is a peek into my heart, my feelings, my thoughts about this time in our lives.  It has been such an intensely emotional time, I just trudged through the days, one foot in front of the other.  Now that things have slowed down a little and I can breathe, I am slowly unpacking the events of the past year and examining them one at a time.  Trying to avoid anger and bitterness, and yet still speak on these events and hopefully grow through them. 

Merriam-Webster defines mourning as:

1:  the act of sorrowing

2a :  an outward sign (as black clothes or an armband) of grief for a person's death

 b :  a period of time during which signs of grief are shown

 

Obviously, to an outsider, we have mourned the deaths of three loved ones.  But a wise friend pointed out to me that dealing with chronic disease is a series of deaths.  Every time the dreaded disease takes away your ability to do something, it is a death of sorts.  Mourning will occur.  When your life plan is drastically altered, it is a form of death, and mourning will occur.  And so, less obviously, we have also mourned many other losses: loss of the ability to play hockey, loss of the ability to work a 9-5 job, loss of some retirement dreams, loss of finances to take our second honeymoon, loss of choice of who earns our one income, loss of pain free living, and on the list goes.  So I get numb, I stop and curl up in a ball and wait...for the pain to lessen, for the mourning to pass, for the light at the end of the tunnel.  BUT...the more time passes the more I see there is no end in sight in this life.  And so I am learning to live with the grief.  After all, none of this is a surprise to God.  None of this is outside his plan.  None of this changes who He is.  None of this changes my eternity. 

Now that is the hope we read of in scripture...

 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; ⁵ and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)